“It’s the most wonderful time of the year” says the song. I would say it can be and it can also be filled with stress. The pressure is on. We are supposed to be able to purchase so many gifts and enjoy wonderful foods. It is assumed that we all have family, friends, money and health. If we have these things then there is more potential for us to experience the joys of the holiday season. It’s good for us to remember that there are people who don’t have all of these gifts and maybe some who have none of them. Giving to the amazing organizations that help people who are struggling is a great way to try help. Sharing our bounties is also proven to increase our sense of wellbeing. Try it! Give some of your time, money and love to others in need.
Along with that generosity can you focus on your marriage? I’m not being simplistic here. I know there are marriages that are in deep distress. I have worked with such. So many of the couples I have worked with are stressed out at this time of year. They often want to keep everybody happy and often end up with feelings that nobody is happy, with them. Their families of origin seemed to demand attention, their kids need attention, the house needs attention, work is stressing them and they forget about their needs as a couple.
I’d call this, doing things backwards. What should be the starting point?? I’m telling you that the couple, as individuals and as a unit, is where you need to start. What is best for your marriage? What will increase your energy? What will help your children feel more secure? What will help you cope with that Father in law who is so challenging? When you are past the festivities what will have helped create the best memories? Will focusing on us, intentionally and overtly, have more potential for growth of love?
I’m telling you that if you prioritize your marriage and plan, together, what you will do to help make the season happier, you won’t regret it. Don’t run around like a headless chicken, feeling you have no choice. Plan with each other and be sensible. Allow for space. Be mindful of what you need rather than being like a hamster on a wheel. Check in with each other and alter your plans accordingly.
Happy Holidays!!